It's amazing how much I realize that he either never knew me, never loved me or both.

Now, I hate seeing him not because I still have feelings for him. I do but the wound is covered even if only temporarily.  Now, I hate seeing him because I really want to hit him. How can a person so smart be so fucking stupid. And what makes it worse, he thinks I'm stupid as well.

I am trying not to take offense to the many happenings around me. I try to stay away from it but it brings me in like a drug.

Then I wonder if his friends and family were ever curious about *my* side of the story.  Of course not. Friends would rather side with you than see their friend for who they really are...someone who is not real with them, who feeds them bullshit for sympathy and who uses said sympathy for attention.  Which I find extremely odd, since that was what I was accused of time and time again. I wonder if he EVER told them that I did change when he "attempted" to give me a second chance. He just didnt want me anymore and decided to string me along until he had the balls to walk away. And when he finally did walk away, he was cowardly with it. He couldnt even tell me why.  I wonder if he tells his friends these things. Or if I'm just the bitch that cheated on him.

Every time I get better, I end up right where I started. I seriously have no idea how or even when I will get past this.